If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
