I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
