Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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