Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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