I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
