I am puke
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
