i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
