i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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