he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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