I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
