Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
