dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
