Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
