pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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