I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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