Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
don't judge my taste in strippers
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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