So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
