We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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