Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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