Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
