Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
