I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
