Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
