I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
