funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
