Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
