my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have demons in me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
