READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
