I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
