Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
