booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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