I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
