Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
