I will die if light touches me.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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