everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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