Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize