Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
