So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
