i wish my penis had a tongue
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
