You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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