I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
