So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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