So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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