my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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