Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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