I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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