I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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