Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
