I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
