there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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