I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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