I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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