Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You did what with his pubic hair?
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