i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
