Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
